the-jeffrey-journal-5

Husband's Pet Peeves

Seriously?!

Its pet peeve time again!  Let’s start off by saying that I am by no means perfect in the line of house work.  It’s a boring job and I appreciate that I don’t have to do the laundry very often.  BUT……..

There is a certain smell that when it happens you know exactly what it is, where it started and how it can be avoided.  My wife has a busy schedule but there is one thing she really has a problem with.  The reason why I consider this a problem stems way back to what I think was my junior year in high school.  (Mom, if you’re reading this- is not your faultJ)

The day in question was a warm May day after the completion of our spring tennis season.  I remember this day for two main reasons.

1.I had my picture taken with my tennis awards from that season on the front steps of the school due to my awesomeness, and I remember the pic and the heat and what I was wearing. I still have the pic (see below) which was in our local newspaper due to my awesomeness.

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2.I had a wardrobe malfunction that day which will lead me into a short coming of my lovely wife.

Again, the day was hot and we did not have air conditioning at the school so I happened to be sweating a lot just like everyone else at the school.  I would not say that I’m a super hygiene freak but I do like to stay pretty clean.  As the day wore on I realized something that I never had dealt with before.  I had this strange smell that was starting to surround me.  I started to feel like that guy from the Charlie Brown cartoons that had a cloud that followed him everywhere.  Now, keep in mind that I’m awesome so walking around smelling like some type of plague is not too good.  This was not like a body odor type smell, this was worse.  This was a nose penetrating smell which made you want to jump into a pool of warm water with the strongest soaps known to man.

I kept extra deodorant in my locker so at the first scent of the rancid death smell I went and applied a ton in the hopes that it would go away……… Nope!  As the day got hotter, I got smellier!  It was really embarrassing and I know that everyone who got near me smelled  it and for the rest of the day told all their friends how bad Harst smelled even though he was such a great guy (see second sentence in #1 bullet above).

I had showered that morning and had on extra deodorant.  Unfortunalty I did not figure out what was wrong that day but the smell never happened again for as long as I could remember……………. Then I married LisaJ

If you can see where this is going then you’re pretty smart.

Jumping ahead, we recently moved our office into what had been our laundry room.  Our plan is to move the laundry room across the house but will wait to accomplish that.  Along with the movement of the office is the movement of my Xbox and TV.  Yes, I still play the occasional video game and do enjoy it.  It so happens that a few months ago after moving the office I decided to play some Call of Duty Zombies (for those who care- level 46 on solo) and when I walked into the room I had one of those flashback moments, a memory or vision of a long time ago.  It was kinda crazy how a flash bulb moment in life can come back and how you feel you’re actually back in time.  This moment was jogged by my nose!

The smell was back!!!!  Here is the thing……. I denied the fact that the smell was me because I showered 25 min before, BUT I still smelled it.  I figured maybe an animal had gotten into the crawl space and died, or the new wood floor had moisture under and was starting to stink.   I decided to chalk it up to my nose playing tricks on me and I turned on the Xbox.  I played for about 30 min and I noticed the smell was not going away.  So I hit pause and got down on my hands and knees and took a whiff of the heat vents and in the corners of the room to find the source.  It actually was making my stomach a bit weird by then and the high school day was coming back into my head.  I kept crawling on the floor trying to follow the smell and was finally able to locate the imminent death……

THE WASHING MACHINE

My scientific research has led me to the following facts:  When you wet a bunch of clothes, bunch them up in an enclosed area and let them sit for an extended period of time they create a smell which does not do well in public gatherings.  So to summarize, If you let the clothes sit for a day or two then throw them in the dryer, you will smell like that when you put the clothes on.  And furthermore if you sweat it intensifies the smell tenfold.

That’s not the best part.  Ever since that day I have been checking the washer on a daily basis… We wash almost and I say almost every load now two times and I’m pretty sure we have actually done a load “4” times!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is not a lie!!!!  Now I can share some of the blame because I usually am the one re-washing, and I should put it in the dryer BUT… seriously!?!

Here is another TRUE STATEMENT.  As I type this I’m going to take a picture of the inside of our washer RIGHT NOW…………

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The Tide Company should love us!!!!!

My Least Favorite Day

I have a favorite day of the week.  Do you?  My favorite days change with the seasons due to my weird schedule.  My day to look forward to at the moment is Sunday.  Sunday = NFL and sometimes a day off.  Once again due to my schedule throughout the years, my weeks and days are so different.  Along with the day I love, comes the day I despise. 

Let me explain to you about  Wednesdays.  I have recently dreaded Wednesdays kinda like I dread over stuffed diapers – puke – and the thought of getting run over by an oversized steam roller.

Lisa has to get up on Wednesday at 4 AM to get ready to do the television show at WNWO.  That’s right…………4AM!!!!!!  Do traffic lights even work at that time in the AM?????  The first taping is at 5:30 AM.  That seems kinda early to me but what do I know?  I used to think my brother in law was the craziest person alive because he sometimes gets up at like 4:30 to work out before he goes to work.  I can now see how he and Lisa are related.   So, when she gets up for this crazy  pre-dawn exercise, I of course wake up.  So happy to see you Wednesday.  Lisa then goes from a taping of the TV show to the morning radio show at Star 105.  Of course I usually turn on the radio around 7 (BECAUSE I AM UP), to listen to Lisa use me and my daily life as comedy material.  Great day so far.

So I usually go into work at 9 every day.  The problem with Wednesday is that I’m so dead when I go in it almost hurts.  For those of you early risers, you are now saying “what a wuss, suck it up!”  Here is the question I ask to you…. What time do you go to bed???  I can’t fall asleep before 12:30 for whatever reason………..  4 in the morning hits me like that steam roller I spoke about earlier.  During the regular season I work from 9AM until around 9PM.  Needless to say working that long almost is a blessing………..  Guess what is waiting for me at home???????

There is that time during the month that certain women act a certain way which is not well received by others.  I think you know what I am talking about.  When I get home on Wednesday night and about half way into Thursday Lisa takes the form of that kind of women, but intensifies it ten times over.  Here is a question I may ask Lisa on a Monday night…. “Hey Lisa, what time is it?”  She will answer “6:35, why do you need something?”

Here is the same question on a Wednesday night.  “Hey Lisa, what time is it?”  “I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?????!!!!!!!!!!!  WHERE IS YOUR PHONE???!!”  Now I don’t mean to insinuate that she is yelling all the time. Lisa is not really a yeller.    I just don’t know how to type the tone that says “hey idiot, I don’t know what time it is, just leave me alone”    And this is how it goes till about mid Thursday till her body catches back up.  I could go on about this but she may read this tomorrow and tomorrow happens to be WEDNESDAY.  God help us all!!!!

I actually wrote this in the hopes that she would try her hardest to be normal on Wednesday night and Thursday morning…….Please send her happy messages on Wednesday to help the cause.  It’s not too much to ask!!!

HOT DOG!!!! (not the mickey mouse clubhouse song...)

Written by: Jeffrey

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I’m sure that everyone can remember when they were a kid and there was a food or combination of foods that you never really liked.  Let me start by saying that my mom is an awesome cook.  Our family holiday dinners are amazing (since that’s the only time I have her cooking anymore) they always looks like an artist prepared them- looking as beautiful as they taste.  That being said when I was a kid I remember hating a few of our regular meals.

1. Sausage

2. Ham

3. Hot Dogs

What young kid does not like hot dogs?????????? Me, that’s who!!  As I recall our family pet dogs back in the day (Brutus and Chip) got their fill of hot dogs when my parents were not looking.  That distaste for the hot dog continued to this day.  The only time I would have a hot dog was at a baseball game.  I have attended 2 in the past ten years to give you a solid time table.

Not to get off track but with Lisa doing this blog you would not believe the number of company’s (big and small) that contact her to try, demo, or taste their  foods, books, toys, and just about anything under the sun.  The thought is always that if Lisa and/or the boys (Colt and Brax) like the product, Lisa will put a write up on the blog and her thousands of readers will see the product and maybe give it a try.  I’m all for this type of social marketing.  If anyone from the Lamborghini, Ferrari, swimming pool, fireplace or Lear Jet companies are reading this, I would be more than happy to try out your products! :)

Back to the hot dog...  Lisa was contacted by a company called Applegate.  They claimed that their hot dog which was an super natural hot dog, was great tasting and much healthier than other hot dogs.  Lisa agreed to try them out.  She mentioned it to me awhile back and in my head I was like “Yuk, have fun”.  So the other day we got a package from Applegate with a bunch of these hot dogs.  It just so happened that the day they showed up was our grocery store day which means were down to just about a bag of dog food in the house.  I had a brutal day, like 11 hours of lessons in 100 degree heat, and only had a half hour break to get something to eat at the house before heading back to the club.  I think you know where this is going.  I cut open the all-natural hot dog bag and pulled out three dogs and put them in the microwave…………..

Now don’t get me wrong, Lisa gets all these types of products that she is asked to blog about.  I will vouch for her that just because we get these products doesn't mean she blogs about each of them.  The product has to genuinely impress her or the boys.  I will not mention any specific stuff but we have received some pretty bad products.  I recall a company sending us this one item which I actually thought was a joke.  It is something that I would not take for free!  That product did not make the blog!

Again, back to the hot dog…  I pulled the Applegate hot dog out of the microwave and put a ton of  ketchup on a plate so I could mask the taste.  Remember, it’s a half hour break and now I’m down to 22 minutes and I’m hungry.  With no buns available I grab a fork and take the first bite.  Let’s keep in mind that this is the first all-natural hot dog I have ever had and maybe they all taste like this one-  BUT, this hot dog was unbelievable!!!!!!!!  I’m not kidding you.  I don’t even think it’s a hot dog.  It’s some super food created to make Jeff happy.  Im sure Lisa will be putting up info about it and how to get it.  I think she said Kroger, but I’m hooked.  This makes me believe that "all natural" may have some kind of importance here.  I can’t wait to try them on the grill!

I commend the Applegate company for making this great product and can someone give me a list of other all natural foods?!!!  Does Lamborghini have an all natural line ;)

-- Jeff

P.S.  I’m still leaving my socks on the floor!

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Jeff actually asked to write this post, and I will be posting a giveaway soon from Applegate so you can try your own all natural hot dogs and understand what Jeff was saying! - L

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About Jeff

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Finally a chance to get even! Being Lisa's husband has its positives and negatives, this page allows me to even the score and maybe help a few people along the way. If you ever want to know anything about Lisa, don't be afraid to ask! Even though she says I don't have a "real" job, I do. I'm a certified tennis pro and have been playing and coaching tennis most of my life. We've been married for 3 years and have 2 little boys, poor Lisa is going to have to deal with video games for the rest of her life!

 

 

 

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